Why Your Brain Won't Stop Worrying — 6 Ways to Fix It

Anxiety loves uncertainty. The "what ifs," the sleepless nights, the mental loops that won't quit — most of it isn't about what's actually happening. It's about what might happen. And your brain treats the possibility of a threat the same way it treats a real one.

In this episode, licensed professional counselor Jim Cunningham breaks down why uncertainty triggers anxiety the way it does — and walks through six practical strategies to interrupt the cycle, reality-test your fears, and start building a higher tolerance for not knowing.

No guarantees. No quick fixes. Just honest tools that actually work.

Topics: anxiety, worry, uncertainty, intrusive thoughts, stress management, mental health strategies

The Unscripted Mind — real therapy, real talk, no fluff. Hosted by Jim Cunningham, Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC). Each episode delivers practical tools and honest mental health insight to help you gain self-awareness, make better choices, and feel more in control.

Transcript

Jim Cunningham 0:02

Ursula K Le Guin once said the only thing that makes life possible is permanent , intolerable uncertainty , not knowing what comes next . That's not how most of us see uncertainty . In fact , fear of the unknown is one of the greatest sources of anxieties that we have . In this episode of the Unscripted Mind , we're going to give you six specific things you can do to conquer the anxiety of uncertainty . Welcome to the Unscripted Mind podcast , where our goal is to give you fresh perspectives , practical insights and tools you can use to give you more choices , increase your self-awareness and better control of your feelings , reactions and behaviors . My name is Jim Cunningham and today we're going to discuss how and why uncertainty affects us in such unhealthy ways , and then we're going to give you six tangible things you can do to change the way you think about uncertainty . Now we can drive ourselves crazy , worrying about all kinds of things that might happen , trying to account for all the radical possibilities that are out there , but you know , honestly , at the end of the day , we can't deal with all the unknowns and that are out there . But you know , honestly , at the end of the day , we can't deal with all the unknowns and the what ifs . First , let's talk a little bit about anxiety itself . Anxiety is , at its heart , our friend . Now that seems like a crazy statement , I know , but stick with me for a second . Anxiety is that hypervigilant part of ourselves that drives us and tries to anticipate and be ready for anything and every bad thing that could possibly happen . That , in and of itself , isn't the problem , though . The problem is when anxiety overwhelms the system . This can lead to panic attacks , heart palpitations , anger and a myriad of other symptoms . But how many of these things that you worry about are actually future-based ? If you take a minute to stop and think about that , the answer has to be 99.9% of them . And here's the great news about anxiety it's all future-based . The things that make us anxious haven't even happened yet . They're actually figments of our imagination , and you know how we know this . We know this because , as soon as something happens that thing that we fear the most we stop worrying about it , we stop having anxiety about it and we just start dealing with it . If I'm worried about having a flat tire and thinking , oh my gosh , I don't have a spare whatever , that creates a ton of anxiety , but as soon as I have a flat , the anxiety goes away and I start problem solving , okay , who can I call ? Maybe I call AAA , maybe I call a friend , maybe whatever . But now I start problem solving . So sure we have some fear and unhappiness that go about the bad thing that happens . But now I start problem solving . So sure we have some fear and unhappiness that go about the bad thing that happens . But anxiety's job is done as soon as the thing happens .

Jim Cunningham 3:11

So we have to remember that and that is good news that anxiety , when you're feeling it the thing hasn't happened yet , always something important to remember . Our brain always does a great job of trying to keep us safe . Sometimes it does too good of a job . Our brain is going to fill in any gaps in knowledge with fabricated facts , and these facts are not the positive outcomes that you'd always hope for . So I call it msu , making stuff up , or any other s word you want to put in there . Usually the made , the made-up facts are worst-case scenarios . They are only our imaginations , though still None of these things have happened .

Jim Cunningham 3:51

And if I look at the evidence to support all the things that I have worried about over the years , what , maybe 1% of them have actually ever happened ? It just doesn't work out like that , and I have to remember that . So if we take a moment and consider the actual fear , we usually find there's little evidence to support it . We have to be aware of what the thoughts were entertaining and be careful of those kinds of things . So let me ask you the question what types of thoughts do you tend to entertain ? So , with all this in mind , what are we going to do with all of these Well , let's call them intrusive thoughts when they show up , how do we handle that in the moment ? Well , here are six ideas and six things that you can think about . They are practical . The idea is to give you something very tangible that you can do .

Jim Cunningham 4:42

So the first thing I might recommend is this thing I call eliminating the variables . What that means is we can't get rid of all the unknowns , but the more information we have to work with , the better . And again , this goes to this MSU thing , where my mind is making up all the worst scenarios that aren't going to come true . So the more information I have , the less opportunity my brain has to make those things up . So how do I eliminate variables ? Well , I'll give you an example . If you're worried about a contentious conversation you need to have with a coworker or a friend or whoever it might be , and , of course , you've rehearsed this conversation 6 million times in your head and it always ends up pretty bad and you can always imagine the worst scenarios and how this is going to turn out . The way you eliminate the variable is you actually have the conversation , schedule it , put it on the calendar , go have the conversation and then , even if it does turn out bad , you're not worried about it . You don't have anxiety about it anymore , because then you have something that you can actually address . The more proactive you can be , the less reactive you have to be , and that's really the goal , right , if I can start to anticipate something and that's based on facts , I don't have to be reacting in the moment , and that gives us a lot more sense of control , which is a great anecdote to anxiety .

Jim Cunningham 6:06

The second thing I might suggest is focusing on what you can control Now . We can't control the future . That's where anxiety lives . We can't control the past . That's where regret and all these other things live . The only place that you have control is in the present . So ask yourself what you need to do next , like the next thing you need to do in this moment . Focus on that and that's it . One thing at a time . Don't worry about tomorrow's problems . Stick with today's problems . One thing at a time , it's all you can control . When I look at everything in the world , the only thing I can really ultimately control is myself and , to be perfectly honest , I kind of suck at that . So staying in the present is a great strategy , because it's still something that I can actually act on and tangibly manipulate .

Jim Cunningham 7:00

The third thing I might suggest is focusing on the trees , not the forest . Now , I know that's backwards from what we've normally heard , but sometimes the forest is just too much . Staying in the present allows us to not be overwhelmed by everything in the forest . If I can just focus on one tree at a time , that's all I got to do . If I do that enough times , the forest takes care of itself . This is a good sports analogy . If you're at the free throw line and the game is on the line and you're worried about what happens when you miss the shot , that's the wrong thing to be focusing on . It's much better to focus on the things you can control , and in that moment , the thing you can control is focusing on and executing the mechanics of shooting a free throw . If I do that correctly , the shot takes care of itself . I don't have to worry about anything else . So focus on the trees , not the forest . The forest can feel huge , but each tree keeps it very manageable . And again , one thing at a time , and sometimes the next thing is the best thing to focus on .

Jim Cunningham 8:06

Number four what you know versus what you feel . Let me explain this one . Somebody once said feelings make great servants , but make horrible masters . Feelings can deceive us , so we have to keep those in check , and one way to do that and this has worked for me on a number of different occasions is making a list of things that I know for certain , that are indisputable , that I know for a fact . Then , when I start feeling and I start questioning and I start wondering and I'm thinking , well , I don't know if I should go back to my list of what I know . And when I go back to that list , it grounds me in truth and reality . Feelings are transitory and they will lead you astray in a lot of ways , so focusing on something that I can count on is much better . I can trust facts . I can't always trust my feelings .

Jim Cunningham 9:04

Number five I would say is to embrace adversity . The only time we grow is when we are outside of our comfort zone . When everything is easy , we just atrophy . Adversity is a period of growth and we need to embrace that and see it as opportunity , not this horrible , horrible thing . Now , it's not pleasant in the moment , don't get me wrong , but sometimes it's about perspective and seeing things in a different light . When you think of the Stoic philosophies , a lot of that deals with not trying to go around obstacles but embracing them , because it's going to make around obstacles , but embracing them because it's going to make us bigger , faster , stronger and smarter . And without that we're just going to deprive ourselves . And I think this is true . If you're dealing with struggles with our children and stuff , depriving them of that opportunity to struggle a little bit and have a little bit of anxiety and figure out how to manage it , you're doing them a favor . As a parent , I know that's a very difficult thing to watch sometimes , but we need to be challenged in order to be creative , adaptive and resilient .

Jim Cunningham 10:12

The sixth thing I might suggest , and the final thing , is taking care of yourself . This is an easy thing to overlook because we get so wrapped up on everything else and the anxiety of the future thing that probably isn't going to happen , that we forget to take care of ourselves . We get busy overworking , we forget to eat , we forget to sleep , we don't . We just don't take care of good care of ourselves . So this is one little acronym that I use . It's called HALT . It stands for hungry , angry , lonely , tired . This is not an original thing . Aa uses it . I think some other organizations have used it too . Halt is those times when everything is going to seem worse than it really is . It's going to seem like the world is falling apart and it's actually not . It's just that I'm hungry , angry , lonely or tired . The beautiful thing about this it also serves as a good checklist to create self-awareness .

Jim Cunningham 11:08

When you start feeling anxiety , anger , any big emotion , ask yourself am I hungry , angry , lonely or tired ? It's something you can actually do something about . Sometimes I get busy , I forget to eat . I mean , they make commercials about this stuff . You know Snickers , you're not yourself . You know hangry We've got all kinds of words to describe these things . Sometimes I just need to go get a snack . Sometimes I just need to take a break instead of trying to power through that difficult task , and just need to take a break . Instead of trying to power through that difficult task and just trying to gut it out , it's much easier to take a 10-minute break and come back with fresh eyes and get a fresh start at it . Maybe I need to talk to someone , maybe I need to take a nap . I don't know if you're a napper , a 20-minute nap is glorious .

Jim Cunningham 11:55

So the goal of these six ideas is to give you something tangible to do to counteract all of these negative thoughts that we all have . So if you feel like you have them and you're the only one that's actually not the case . We all have them . And don't even get me started on waking up at 3 in the morning . The world will fall apart at 3 in the morning , but it's all made-up stuff and you know this , because when you wake up the next morning , it all seems ridiculous .

Jim Cunningham 12:19

So , focusing on eliminating the variables , focusing on what you can control , and that is in the present , it's not in the future and it's not in the past . Focus on the trees , not the forest . The trees are tangible things we can deal with . The forest can really overwhelm us if we let it . Focus on what you know and not what you feel . Feelings again are great servants , but make horrible masters .

Jim Cunningham 12:45

Embrace adversity . Just because it's hard doesn't mean it's a bad thing . We're going to get a lot of good mileage out of this . We're going to get stronger , faster and smarter because of it . And finally take care of yourself . Hungry , angry , lonely , tired . Make sure you eat , sleep , take a break , talk to somebody if you need to . It will make all the difference in the world . If you do this , I think you can not only rest and relax through the toughest times , but you can also thrive . I know there are a lot of other ideas out there . I would love to get some feedback from you and what things work for you to avoid the anxiety of uncertainty . Leave a comment for us Happy to check those out and maybe share them with other people . Have an amazing day . Thanks for joining me and we'll catch you next time . Thank you .